Everytime I Cry
by Lil Bit of Red
Summary: What was going through Bella and Jacob's heads in Eclipse. A songfic.


A/N: This takes place in Eclipse. It's a combination of two songs and two people's thoughts. "Cry Me a River" Justin Timberlake & "Everytime" Britney Spears. Jacob & Bella.

She has no idea. No idea how much I loved her. She was my everything. She used me. She leaned on me and got so close to me after he left. We fell in love! How can she just forget all of that because he came back. It's not fair. I fucking love her. She's my soulmate. If she cared then she wouldn't have hurt me so. How could she? How could she!?

_You were my sun_

_You were my earth_

_But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no_

_So you took a chance_

_And made other plans_

_But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no_

Why is he ignoring me? He's my best friend. He shouldn't be doing this to me. I care for him so much. He acts like I'm nothing to him. He could at least talk to me. Why is he so angry at me for trying to be happy? I do love him. I do. But Edward is so different. So different...

**Notice me**

**Take my hand**

**Why are we**

**Strangers when**

**Our love is strong**

**Why carry on without me?**

I can't believe it. I can't believe she is going to let that piece of shit bloodsucker drain her life! She is happy about it. She's happy that she is going to die, die and become a filthy monster. Well, if that's her decision then she's no friend of mine. I refuse to love a monster. I'm not like** her.**

_You don't have to say, what you will do,_

_I already know, I found out from him_

_Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be_

_And don't it make you sad about it_

I feel so broken without him. He's my sun. I need him. I will always need him. His face haunts my nights. That horrible hurt expression. I can't escape him now. I am so lonely without my Jacob. Why can't it be simpler? Can't I have both? No. I need Jake, but my need for Edward is much greater. Much greater.

**Everytime I try to fly**

**I fall without my wings**

**I feel so small**

**I guess I need you baby**

**And everytime I see you in my dreams**

**I see your face, it's haunting me**

**I guess I need you baby**

She said it. Those three words made my heart fly. But I know they aren't true. They can't be. If they were she wouldn't have hurt me. Left me here to rot while she lives on forever. Not that I'm jealous of her. It's him. I wish I could look at her beautiful face for the rest of eternity, too. No. I won't be her doormat. It's me or him. She made her choice. Now I made mine.

_You told me you loved me_

_Why did you leave me, all alone_

_Now you tell me you need me_

_When you call me, on the phone_

_Girl I refuse, you must have me confused_

_With some other guy_

_Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn_

_To cry, cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river, yea yea_

Here I sit, tears streaming down my face. I miss him badly. I hate say it but I forget him when Edward is around but the second he leaves I feel so alone. I'm so scared he may leave then I'll be alone forever. I pretend Jake is here. I pretend he still loves me. His laughter rings in my ears when I hear a joke I know he would love. He has moved on without my friendship. I will soon. So soon.

**I make believe**

**That you are here**

**It's the only way**

**I see clear**

**What have I done**

**You seem to move on easy**

She acts so innocent. Like she never implied a thing. She never led me on. She never made me believe that she loved me. I thought love was powerful? I thought you only had one true love? Why is she different? She didn't say it much but I saw it. In her eyes. She wanted to be with me. She did. Was she just fucking with me? She messed me up. Bad. I'll be able to love. Never again. She's the one damning herself. She's killing herself. I'll be alive then I'll die and go to heaven and she'll be here for eternity. Damned.

_I know that they say_

_That somethings are better left unsaid_

_It wasn't like you only talked to me and you know it_

_Don't act like you don't know it_

_All of these things you told me_

_Keep messing with my head_

_Messing with my head_

_You should've picked life_

_Then you may not have blown it_

I know I'm hurting him. It kills me. It hurts so bad. I was weak and I needed him. I depended on him. I knew he loved me. He loved me so much. All I ever did was hurt him. I caused all the hurt and pain in his life. I made him cry. Cry. Tears. I can only hope for him to forgive one day. I'll never deserve it but I can hope. I'm so sorry. So sorry. He'll never know how much.

**I may have made it rain**

**Please forgive me**

**My weakness caused you pain**

**And this song is my sorry**

She can be sorry. She deserves to suffer a little. She left me! She can cry all she wants but I'll never be okay. Why should she? She has _**Edward**_. She doesn't need me. She'll figure it out. One day. =Until then she can keep crying. She's not mine anymore.

_You told me you loved me_

_Why did you leave me, all alone_

_Now you tell me you need me_

_When you call me, on the phone_

_Girl I refuse, you must have me confused_

_With some other guy_

_I'm not like them baby_

_Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn_

_To cry, cry me a river_

_Go on and just_

_Cry me a river_

Oh god. It hurts, Jake. I see you when I close my eyes and it aches. That crumpled face, so pained. I'm sorry but you're not mine anymore.

**At night I pray**

**That soon your face**

**Will fade away**

I can't be here anymore. I'm leaving. I hurt. Everyday. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing! What can I do now? Nothing! I'm gone.

_The damage is done_

_So I guess I be... leaving_


End file.
